Theres Nothing You Can Do Thats To Bad.

OK guys I'm back and now we are in the meat of my life and it just got ugly.I titled this there is nothing you can do that is to bad because I'm going to share things with you guys that i have never shared with anyone else.I'm going to tell you things that will shock you,but that's why i say that there is nothing you can do that's to bad and as i go on about my life you will start to understand what i mean.So my girlfriend is now in the Hospital about to have our baby girl and her family is there her mom,sisters and her brother.Now me and her brother would get high together sometimes and of course on the day we were about to have our baby i decide to ride with her brother down the road and get high.I got back to the Hospital high as a kite and my baby girl had already been born,yea let that soak in for a minute that i mist out on seeing my baby girl being born because i wanted to go get high and it hurt me not because he talked me into going,but because i was the one responsible for my actions.I could not blame anybody for that one but me and that hurt me bad so what did i do,the only thing i knew and that was get high and stay that way so i wouldn't have to deal with the shame and the hurt that was in me and what i had done to those that believed in me.I really started going down hill fast i would drink every day and i remember drinking myself sober a couple of times and that takes allot.I was into cocaine,pot,pills,acid,ecstasy and pcp and i was into it deep.They where so many times that i would get so high that i thought my heart was going to bust and i would pray to God that if he would just not let me die that i would never do it again and of course the next day i was doing the same thing all over.I had got into selling drugs and my girlfriend knew it and by the time she had our daughter she hated me and one day i had her take me to a friends house and she knew i had dope on me to go sell.My baby was in the car and i still carried drugs on me.I thought i was a gangster and a king pin and that i was a man who was just doing what i had seen others around me doing.I didn't want anybody to see the side of me that was empty and hurting not even my girlfriend.I got out at my friends house and as i was telling them goodbye my girlfriend said that she didn't want to see me anymore and that she was done with me,she didn't want me to have anything to do with my daughter and that she didn't want my money,she just wanted me gone.I fell apart as i realized she wasn't playing this time that she meant every word.I started crying because i knew it was coming and i couldn't blame anyone but myself again.I tell you this so you will know that i don't do well with having to face reality and having to deal with life because my own life was a disaster and my drug use had kept me from knowing how to dill with my problems.My life would get way worse before it would get better.