How Bad?Real Bad!

I told you that i had started smoking crack and doing allot of pills and that sent me into a downward spiral real fast.After i lost my brothers truck because of my addiction i really felt lower than a snakes belly,i started eating pills even more than ever because i just gave up and i thought i was stuck in the rut of no return.I began taking zanex bars and when i say i was taking them you already know that everything I've done so far i have done in excess,so you will not be shocked when i tell you that i was taking about 20 to 25 a day.I was taking my girlfriends whole prescription in about 4 to 5 days and she got 120 a month,now the time i was taking them i felt like i was in control,but that's what they do,they make you feel like nothing can faze you and they help you hide from the truth.Me and her thought we were hiding our addiction pretty good because nobody was saying anything to use so we fell deeper in our drug use.Her Father found out that he had lung cancer and we both were struck hard by that,but we still used.We just couldn't get each other better because we both had bitter roots in our life that we never knew how to deal with,so we just fell deeper into the drugs.The love was there,but allot of pain came between us because we didn't talk to each other until it was to late.Now I'm still with this Lady to this day because of the love that we have for one another and the commitment that we share to make it work.I'm the man i am today partly of her and her family for believing in me even when i didn't.I lost my temper on the morning of Dec.23,2010 and went to the hospital,when i got out i went to a place called Miracle Hill Rescue Mission and there i gave my heart to the LORD on Jan.5,2011 and i haven't looked back sense.I got back in school to get my GED and was chosen for a program that was new to Spartanburg through H.O.P.E Ministries and a man named Shown Parker called a discipleship program that is 6 months long,that started on April,1,2011.

Can a Retch Like Me Be Saved?

I dint know how your life might be,but my life has been such a tornado of emotion and for me to show that i might need help would not be tolerated.I was a man and i was taught not to ask for help because a man does it his self.I got through the rough patch in my life,you could say,by smoking pot everyday and staying single so i didn't have but me to worry about.I finally got a chance to move in with my older sister and her husband,oh yea i forgot to tell you guys that i had a sister and actually i had two,one a year younger and one a year older.My younger sister was adopted by my step dads sister when she was a baby,i told you my life could be on Jerry Springer.Now my older sister and i lived with my mom and step dad until she got pregnant at the age of 17 by the man she is still married to today.Now they let me come live with them and they went to church every time the doors were open.I went with them and tried to get myself right,but i didn't know how and so i just did what i saw them do until i started hearing my sister talk about some of the people at the church behind there backs.Well that just made me fell like if that's the way people were in the church i could do bad all on my own.I had been working for a construction company in Spartanburg and we were building the Gymnasium for Limestone College so i was able to save enough money to buy a truck and i had a way to get around.Now the reason that they let me come to live with them in the first place was because on memorial day 2005 i was at work and my phone rang,but the number was my moms and i hadn't talked to her in 3 years so i let it go to voicemail.I called and the way shy said it hurt me the most,she left a message that said'hey just wanted to let you know that your brother is dead'.He was killed in a motorcycle wreck and that killed me because he was not my real brother,but he looked after me when i was growing up and protected me.I was devastated,i was hurt the most because i hadn't talk to him in a few years because we just lost touch and i couldn't believe i let everything else come in between us.So i went through that on top of everything else i was going through and i was still trying to get a grip on my life by going to church and living right.I never got saved and i never gave my heart to the Lord,so my life kept spinning out of control.I was given a truck that had belonged to my brother,well i gave his widow $500 for it,and by this time i had started a relationship with another woman and we had moved in together,but we were both drug addicts and two drug addicts are not good for each other right?Well lets just say that we got into smoking crack and taking allot of pills,but i keep thinking that we still had everything under control.I had my brothers truck at the apartment that i lived in for a short when me and her moved in together and all i had to do was pay $45 to get it towed to our new house,but i spent to much money on drugs to even pay that and so it got towed and i lost it.OK that's low but it don't stop there.

Getting To Now.

Now you are getting the idea that I'm trying to get across.I have not been a good person or done anything great with my life so far.I have allot of baggage in my life that has caused me to attempt suicide 3 times and hurt everyone who has ever truly loved me and even make me wonder about my sexuality.Now I'm going to tell you how you can get rid of all that and never have to worry about it ever holding you down again or holding you back.First i have to tell you a little more about my life so you dont think that what you have read is all there is to it.After my divorce i got right back to the old me and dove straight back into drugs.I started selling ecstasy and when i say sell i mean i was getting 500 at a time brought to my house by my best friend and he too was selling them.I made good money,but i also had a habit to feed so i kept about 50 to 100 just for myself.Just to let you know how bad i was,do you remember where you were the day of Sep.11,2001?I do i was just getting out of the shower and i got some shorts on,came into my living room at my step dads and nobody was there,but me and my habit.I turned on the TV to see what was on and at the same time i figured oh what the heck ill crush up about three of these rolls and ill snort them.Well as soon as i did and fell back on the couch i look up and there is a news flash that said",a plane just hit the twin towers in NY",so that caught my attention.As i stared at the television i was trying to get myself together i saw the second plane hit and that's when i knew it was no accident.The day the world stood still and i was high as a kite on ecstasy,talk about something to be ashamed of that to me was a Dosi.ill get to the point don't worry.

Bout To Blow You Away.

Now as i was saying i walked over 20 miles to her friends house and when i turned the corner i could see our mini van in the driveway.So i said to myself"OK shes here and in the house with her friend"so i walked up the driveway and as i walked passed the van in heard a laugh that sounded like my wife and i walked up farther and saw that my daughter was in her carseat and she turned and looked at me and smiled.I walked up to the pasenger side of the van and looked in the window and there was my wife and her best friends brother having sex in the front seat.I couldnt believe my eyes,i was shocked to say the least,so i steped back and remember i had 2 knives on me one which you could shave with,the buck knife,and one in my pocket.I thought for a minute and decided they were going to die that night,i stepped back up to the window that was cracked about 4 inches,just enough for me to fit my arm in and said"I'm bout to kill both of you",stuck my arm in with the buck knife and started stabbing.I got him in the chest and all he could do was put my wife in front of him to protect himself.I chaste him butt necked all the way to his front door and when he went in the front door i stopped because i knew if he killed me in his house i was paid for.Now this whole time my wife is putting her clothes on and trying to get out of there.I ran across the road and hide in the back of a truck until i heard the van start up the road,i ran in front of her and told her to at least take me back to my house.She told me that i had a knife and she wouldn't so i through it in to her and she unlocked the door.I got in and remember i still had one in my pocket,so soon as i was in i pulled the other knife and put it to her throat and told her i was going to kill her.I'm not proud of what i done,but i punched her in the face all the way to my house and when we got there we went inside and when i saw the chance i ran and bulldogged her into my dads TV and she almost went through the window.They called the cops on me from a cellphone because i cut every phone line in the house and i went to jail.Well enough old memories for today,back again tomorrow.

I Never Learn!

Im telling you this so you will understand that im a new man and im transparent now with nothing holding me down.I write all of this so nothing from my past can bind me anymore because ive come to a crossroads in my life where i look right and see a dusty road,I look left and i see a man thats way off and he looks like me holding a sign that says"YOU SUCK",then i look foward and i see a bright light and i can't see whats there,but i get a good fealing about going that way so im going foward.Now lets look at my life up til now,ive lied,cheated,stole,robbed,sold and did drugs,lost one daughter and so far been mean to the other one.Ive done sick things when i was alone,married for the wrong reasons,and never got myself right yet.It catches up with me alot so hold on and let me get to the divorced part.I got hurt on the job with a board that fell 25' and hit me in the head,bout knocked me stupid,but i survived.I was out of work and drawing workmans comp and this is where it gets rough,I was faking the whole thing just to get out of working because i saw dollar signs from getting injured on the job even though it was her own family.I got a lawyer and sewed her uncle for us not having hard hats,but after a year and a half i got nothing and ill tell you what happend in that short time.I started sitting at home everyday taking the 40 mlg oxycottons that the doctors put me on after i kept saying that i had a migrain,but that was a lie just to get pain pills and at this point i had got good at faking alot of stuff for drugs.I would take 3 or 4 and crush them between 2 spoons and take them like BC powders.I sat on the couch for months like that and slobered on myself while my family was suffering.The bills where pilling up and we were getting deliveries of groceries from our landlord who we owed money to,but they were good Christians and didnt care about the money they just cared about us.I took advantage of that of course because remember i worked for the devil and i had to keep him happy.After a while they caught on and we were evicted,so we went to my step dads to live and that was a big mistake because as you know a women wants a man who can take care of them nomatter what and that wasnt me at all.So we would fight all the time and one night she said she had had enough and she was going to her sisters house with our daughter.I knew in my gut that she wasnt going there so when she left i got dressed because it was about 11 at night and i put a buck knife on my side and a flip out in my pocket.Now i didnt know for sure where she was headed,but i was going on a gut feeling.I went out the back door and my step brother came out as i was headed down the driveway and asked"where you going? and i never looked back and said"im going to cut her throwt.I walked over 20 miles to her best friends ba because i went to her sisters house and she wasnt there so i keeped going to her friends house because i felt she might be there.Ill get to the point when i get back.

To The Fax Batman!!

OK i meet her and i went to jail for child support that i had got behind on before i signed my rights away.While i was in jail we talked allot and made plans to have a child together.I guess i was trying to make up for the first one i messed up.I just wanted to do something right for once in my life.So the day i got out we went home and well you know!I couldn't believe it when a few weeks later she came to me and said I'm pregnant,wow it was exciting because i thought for sure i wouldn't screw this one up.I didn't even ask her to marry me so even that i messed up,we were at her parents house and she was in the bedroom talking to her parents who were very country by the way and they suggested we get married since she was pregnant.We set a date and got hitched as they say in their world.I wore a solid white tux and she wore a white dress with her belly sticking out as if it were a sign that said"I AM NOT A VIRGIN"and now that i know why the bride wears white it seems funny.I went to work for her dad putting up steel buildings and by this time i had some years in construction,but not steel erecting.The first building i helped him on was 150,000 square feet over in Inman SC.Yea it was huge,but i got the hang of it and i was one of the guys.Her dad loved me to death,but allot of people did when they first meet me so i wasn't surprised.I did my job and we saved up money and got a home at the foot of Glassy Mountain and it was beautiful.I was helping raise my baby girl who was born 6 weeks to early and had trouble her first 6 months.She was only 2 pounds 14 ounces when she was born and even though i was at the hospital and sober this time and ready to see the birth of my little baby girl my dream was quickly shot down when the doctors told me i couldn't be in the room while they did the C-section and that crushed me i started crying and i was so hurt.The doctors came in and said i could see her for just a second before they took her to Greenville NICU to try and save her life.They brought her in,i looked at her and she was gone,so i stayed and waited on a call from the NICU that was going to tell me that she was stable and i could come see her.So i waited with my wife as she was recuperating from the operation.They called me 6 hours later and said she was stable so her dad took me at 1 in the morning to see our sweet baby girl.We had to stay at the hospital in a apartment that they have in the NICU til she got up to 4 pounds,it took 2 months.OK ill jump forward a bit and tell you that i still had evil in me even when she was home and was 1 years old because i used to get a kick out of throwing her up in the air and she would hold her breath because she was scared,but i would still do it until she started crying.I was so mean that i would push her down by her face when her mom was gone and make her cry.I even would throw stuffed animals at her and knock her down so it wouldn't leave any marks on her.I'm a sinner remember so that means that i was working for the devil and i made sure that he was pleased at my performance.ill get into why we got a divorce when i get back.

The Devil Never Rests.

Well its Sunday and I'm blogging so that i can get you guys up to speed on my life and where I'm at right now.I left off telling you that i still struggle with stuff and that I've done some pretty bad things in my life.You know that i had a daughter that i gave up and you know about my drug use,so know let me fill you in on my life when i meet my x-wife and i will explain why she is my x so don't worry.It all started when i left South Carolina and moved to Florida after my mom left my step dad and went back to my real father,boy my life could definitely be an episode of Jerry Springer!!!hahaha So my mom and dad were back together,but i still lived with my step dad because he was so cool and he was not as hard on me as my mom was.I think the main reason was that i felt that i loved him more because at that time i thought my mom was crazy.She had multiple personality's and mood swings that were awful.So anyway i moved to Florida for about a year,I was 20 when i left and turn 21 in FFlorida and then moved back because of course my mom left my dad again and went back to my step dad,hope you can keep up,this happens a few more times before her and my real dad finally stay together.My life wasn't the only one in kayos,and so i moved back with a new prospective you can say,about just starting over and putting the past behind me.I didn't have a job so when an old friend came by and said he needed help with a job he was doing i said sure i would love to help and make a little money.We went to a house to do a brick foundation and as we took a break we went in to talk with the owners and in walked in a 5'1'' girl who was with her boyfriend and sat down and started talking to the other people.I sat there quite as a mouse and i knew i knew her from somewhere,but i couldn't remember.She spoke to my friend and ask who you got with you and when i said my name she jumped up and ran over hugged me and said I'm Lucy,right then i remembered who she was.I talked to her briefly and we made plans to go out that night,it was a Friday.I'm getting to mushy again so ill start the next blog with the straight fax.

Getting Back On Track.

OK I'm getting a little deeper than i should,but its just coming out and its hard to stop it once it gets flowing.I'm going to get back to telling you where my life has went from there,but first you need to know how I'm able to say that there is nothing to bad that you can do that i haven't done or done worse.So now you guys know that i gave up my only daughter and treated her mom like crap,I've done drugs most of my life so far and i show no signs of slowing down.Now I'm going to let you guys in on a secret that I've never ever shared with another human being and that is that i have a problem with masturbating.I'm not saying once or twice a week I'm saying that still til this day i struggle with it and to let you know how bad it used to be ill tell you that once when i was about 14 i found a video that my mom had made for my step dad and yes it was very graphic,but i was so sick that i would watch it when my parents would leave and i would masturbate while i watched it.I think now the door is open and you can see that I'm not going to hide anything so that maybe if you read this you will feel like i might know where you are at in your life.Ive went down some bad roads in my life and it doesn't stop there.So now I'm trying to deal with the stuff that I've done,the people I've hurt and the drug use all at the time when i should be getting an education,but I'm the one who wanted to be a man remember?I'm not doing well in life at all,but still on the outside everybody just see's the hard noised,don't care about nothing person i was trying to portray and i was getting better at covering it all up or you could say that i was becoming a professional hurt hider.Now i knew that crying was supposed to make you feel better it just didn't take it away i still had to face the fact that i was the one who did and was still doing all this crazy stuff to myself and to the people around me.I can say that for many years that if you wanted to get something from me like to have me show you love or respect and share my money with you all you had to do was be my friend because they would always get the best of me,my money,my time,and my respect.I treated my family and the people who really loved me like trash and I'm guilty of it even today.Well its out there now I'm as low as people thought i was and i had even more problems than they knew about so don't think that you are nothing because of some bad decitions you have made in your life or because you've hurt people around you or even that you have a dark secret that you have never told anyone.I'm here to tell you that there is a way for it to get better and i will share that as i go on so goodbye till next time.

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better.

well I'm back and i feel like this blogging thing is getting easier.I want you to know that I'm not telling you this stuff to brag.I'm letting you guys know that i was a tough and rough fighter on the outside,but on the inside i was a hurting and shameful little boy because i never dealt with my problems i would just stuff them deep down inside and cover my pain with the smile of some high that i would get from doing many drugs.My friends thought i was a funny out going and the guy they wanted at the party because if i was there they knew they were going to have fun,but when i was alone i was nothing like that i was so fragile and scared of the things that i had done catching up with me that i had to stay high just to get through the day without falling apart.I put on a good front for a long time and nobody knew the pain i was feeling even when i lost my daughter i made it seem like i didn't care.I carried this hurt in me for a few years and as i kept doing drugs and partying i still worked the whole time,but i wasn't very reliable.I was working at a cap shop in Anderson when one day some balloons and a card came for me to my job and everybody was like man who is sending you flowers?I thought i had a secret admirer or something,but when i opened the card it said the worse thing i could have read.It said that it was from my x girlfriend and that she wanted me to sign over my rights to my daughter because she had found someone else and he was more of a father to her than i ever was.It crushed me and not because she said that,but because it was true and i knew once again that i had to deal with something that i had done.I delt with it by going and meeting them at there Lawyers office and signing the papers to let this man adopt my daughter.I signed and shook his hand and told them that i was glad that she had a father figure in her life and that i was glad that her mother had found someone who treated her like she deserved.I drove away and cried all the way home because i had just gave my daughter to a man i didn't know and that is one of the worst feelings i have ever felt til this day.How did i deal with it well i got even deeper into drugs of course and are you seeing a pattern here?I got deeper into dealing and using drugs so bad that one day i went with a couple of guys who worked with me and the lived in Anderson to go get high and at this point pot was my main drug of choice,but as i was in the living room i noticed that they would go into another room and come back wide open and so me being curios i asked one of the guys what they where doing and he ask me if i wanted to see.So of course i said yea,so i walked back to the bedroom with him and his older brother was standing there with a piece of tinfoil,lighter and a pen.I had no idea what it was because i had never done that drug before and that day i was introduced to methamphetamine and i was hooked from the first hit it made me feel like i had so much energy and that all that baggage i was carrying got allot lighter.I felt as if i was a new person full of life and i could do anything.Now i fell into that addiction very fast and hard and it even got to where i wouldn't sleep for days and i was loosing weight at a rapid pace.I went from a size 32 to a size 29 in about a month and people at work was noticing the change too.Well that didn't slow me down i even moved to Anderson so i could be closer to my connection.I got to helping a guy make it in his basement and he was making allot.I would deliver it when it was ready and everywhere i went they wanted me to stay and get high,i got to doing this drug more than cigarette's,pot or anything.Ill get to the point in a short.

Theres Nothing You Can Do Thats To Bad.

OK guys I'm back and now we are in the meat of my life and it just got ugly.I titled this there is nothing you can do that is to bad because I'm going to share things with you guys that i have never shared with anyone else.I'm going to tell you things that will shock you,but that's why i say that there is nothing you can do that's to bad and as i go on about my life you will start to understand what i mean.So my girlfriend is now in the Hospital about to have our baby girl and her family is there her mom,sisters and her brother.Now me and her brother would get high together sometimes and of course on the day we were about to have our baby i decide to ride with her brother down the road and get high.I got back to the Hospital high as a kite and my baby girl had already been born,yea let that soak in for a minute that i mist out on seeing my baby girl being born because i wanted to go get high and it hurt me not because he talked me into going,but because i was the one responsible for my actions.I could not blame anybody for that one but me and that hurt me bad so what did i do,the only thing i knew and that was get high and stay that way so i wouldn't have to deal with the shame and the hurt that was in me and what i had done to those that believed in me.I really started going down hill fast i would drink every day and i remember drinking myself sober a couple of times and that takes allot.I was into cocaine,pot,pills,acid,ecstasy and pcp and i was into it deep.They where so many times that i would get so high that i thought my heart was going to bust and i would pray to God that if he would just not let me die that i would never do it again and of course the next day i was doing the same thing all over.I had got into selling drugs and my girlfriend knew it and by the time she had our daughter she hated me and one day i had her take me to a friends house and she knew i had dope on me to go sell.My baby was in the car and i still carried drugs on me.I thought i was a gangster and a king pin and that i was a man who was just doing what i had seen others around me doing.I didn't want anybody to see the side of me that was empty and hurting not even my girlfriend.I got out at my friends house and as i was telling them goodbye my girlfriend said that she didn't want to see me anymore and that she was done with me,she didn't want me to have anything to do with my daughter and that she didn't want my money,she just wanted me gone.I fell apart as i realized she wasn't playing this time that she meant every word.I started crying because i knew it was coming and i couldn't blame anyone but myself again.I tell you this so you will know that i don't do well with having to face reality and having to deal with life because my own life was a disaster and my drug use had kept me from knowing how to dill with my problems.My life would get way worse before it would get better.

IM a Bad Person!

Mighty Man of GOD: Well good morning or should i say afternoon everyb...: "Well good morning or should i say afternoon everybody just going to give a little more of me to you today.So i had moved back home and still..."

Well good morning or should i say afternoon everybody just going to give a little more of me to you today.So i had moved back home and still getting into trouble and still abusing drugs ten times as bad now.I had started parting on a regular basis and by that i meen every night.I was having fun no dought,but i was just trying so hard not to deal with what was going on inside me.I say that because when you are young you may have fun getting high and partying with your friends,but I'm here to tell you what happens when it stops being fun and starts becoming an addiction.Well for me it started when i met a girl and yes you know that somewhere in this you guys where gonna hear about a girl,but i wont get to mushy.Now i met this girl when i was 13 and the day i looked across that bus parking lot and we made eye contact i was in LOVE.Sorry i got mushy for a second.but it was love at first sight as they say and this girl loved me.We dated all through middle school and through high school with only a 1 year break when she broke up with me because i was to wild and i just wouldn't stop partying and pushing her to the side for my friends.I did what i wanted to do and i didn't care who i hurt even a girl that i said i loved so much.I told you there was a break and that's because she took me back even though i hadn't changed a bit.I did good for a while,i stayed with her more than i used to at first,but then the old me started showing up again and i was back to my old ways of hanging out with my friends more than her.Now you gotta think that this whole time she is building hate for the person i was,but she was still in love with the person she knew i could be.I drug her through the mud sorta speak and by the time i was 16 i got my listens and a new truck,i meen new it only had 2 miles on it when i drove it off the lot.It was small pickup truck and it was nice,but the first night i took it out i got drunk and got my friend to drive me around.We didn't get home till about 2 in the morning and of course i was telling my parents that i was at my friends house the whole time so the wouldn't kill me.I tell you this stuff because i was lien to my parents and to a girl who loved me and didn't deserve what i was doing to her all because of drugs.I'm going to get to the meat of the story now,when she was 16 and i was 17 she got pregnant and we freaked out,we had been having unprotected sex,but we never thought of the consequences and they were big.She told her mom and the first thing her mom said shocked both of us she said she should have a abortion because we were to young to take care of a baby.I said no and promised them both that if she had the baby that i would take care of them and be there for them.Well her mom said OK and she continued with the pregnancy and i of course got worse because inside i was not ready to be a father.I was spinning out of control and getting deeper into drugs.I will finish telling you guys more in a little while.

Finding God

yes i said that i was molested when i was 12 and it hurt me deeply throughout my life.I got very deep into drugs after that and i thought it was because i was having fun,but it was just me trying to hide my emotions and they were allot of them.Now my life started back somewhat when i moved back to my mom and step dads.I tried to put that old baggage behind me and move on with my life.I went to work building houses and the first time i ever swung a hammer i was hooked.I had that feeling like that was what my life was missing,building homes for other people and being able to look back and say that i helped build that.That is one of the greatest feelings in the world to me and i have never felt anything like it sense.I got to hanging around the wrong people again and because i was making money i could afford to buy drugs and share with all my friends.I remember buying my first whole ounce of pot when i was 14 and me and my friends smoked it in one night.I tried to go back to school,but it didn't work because i had tasted what it was like to make my own money and that put me on a different level than the ones at school who was still depending on their parent,heck my mom told me when i got expelled for the 2nd time that i was gonna work and when i went to work and started making money she started making me pay rent.That's supposed to help you build responsibility,but for me it just made me resent my parents for taking my hard earned money from me and i know they where just buying pot with it,but i just got crazier with the way i lived,getting into more drugs like pills,cocaine,acid,ecstasy,shrums,and of course alcohol.Ill tell you guys more cuz it gets better i promise.

Gonna Get Deep!

Well guys i was as dumb as i thought i was cuz it seems that i did post everything from the first post.I told you guys that I'm not anything special.Now lets get to the dirt of my wild life that i thought was going so well.I told you guys that my dad was a country bumpkin and he pretty much let me do anything i wanted to,but the downside to that is that i started hanging around the wrong people.The woman my dad had married had 2 other children from a previous marriage and there names where George and Candy.Now they were a little bit older than me i think George was 18 maybe 19 when i came to live with them and i looked up to him allot.I started hanging around him and his Buddy's who at the time was huffing paint and so i started doing it of course.Ive always been very curious and its got me into allot of trouble over the years.Now I'm going to let you know that its not always fun and games getting high because as i got deeper into huffing paint it will cause you to pass out and you will wake up later and not realize that you have even passed out.One night a guy that had been hanging out with me and my brother as i call him was wanting to camp out with me in the front yard in a tent and we lived in the woods so it really felt like camping.He had a couple of cans of paint and so we started huffing it together and after a few minutes i got to that passed out faze.This is where it gets rough,I woke up and we were in the 69 position and he had my penis in his mouth and yes i had his in mine.By the time i realized what was going on and freaked out he was telling me that it was OK and that i was the one who wanted to do that with him and i left the tent and ran into the house and never said anything to anybody because i was ashamed and i always wondered if i really did start it,was i gay deep down or was it just lies from a pervert?Now as my life played out i struggled with that hard.Well hope i didn't scare you but that was my life and I'm just getting started.

Another Day Above Ground

Well ill tell you this im very new to this blogging,because i had a whole bunch of stuff typed out for todays blog,but i hit the wrong botton and i lost it.So im gonna sum it up for you guys.I got in trouble all the time and my mom even carried a breifcase around with all of my papers in it from where i got in trouble.I was a class clown and i would do anything anybody dared me to do.Ive spit on people as the bus would go by them and i even mooned a lady as we were droping off her daughter.I was a hand full to say the least.My rambuntiuosn ways got me sent to my fathers to live when i was 12.I was excited at first,but that went away fast when he took me school shoping and told me he was buying me wrangler jeans to wear and my mom and step dad had always bought me levis or duckhead which was very popular in my day.I got in trouble at that shool too,because i was a new boy in a small town people didnt like me.The town was Green Creek NC and it was nothing like what i was used to.I came from a town called Holly Springs and it had alot more people and it was near a few towns so Green Creek was way different.I was still smoking and my country bumkin father told me if i was going to smoke i would have to go to work and buy them myself.Well that was just what i wanted to hear because i was ready to become a man and stop being called a boy.Ill tell you tommorow what that kind of thinking will get you if your not careful.

Another Day Above Ground.

OK its another day and today I'm going to get a little deeper about my life and how i got to where i am today.I told you that i started using drugs at a early age so now let me fill you in on what the negative side of that is.I had trouble in school as you would imagine,but i really wanted to do better i just had too much energy,I think they call it ADHD.I was supposed to be on Ritalin,but of course my parents didn't buy it because it was too expensive.Now that I'm older i realize the truth,it was because it cut into there dope money.I showed out real bad when i was 12 so they sent me to go live with my real father.Now i was really excited to go to my Dads because who wouldn't want to try and build a relationship with there real Father?So their i am in a small town called Green Creek North Carolina living with my dad and everything is good at first.I started getting into trouble at that school too so i finally got expelled for the rest of the year and my dad saied if you caint go to scholl then you should go to work.Now remember that i smoked so he sayed i would have to buy them myself.So i got a job with our landloard bailing hay and digging up septic tanks for $20 a day and that was the days when i started to feel more like a man and less like a boy.

todays challenges

well let me say that I'm human like anybody else in the world.I don't clam to be any better than nobody.Now that I've gotten that outta the way lets get started.My name is Ryan Gilbert and i was raised here in South Carolina in a little town called Holly Springs.I am now almost 34 yrs old and i have lived a crazy life.For starters i was raised by my mom and my step dad because my real dad left when i was 2 and he started a new life with another woman and the had a son and ill get to that later.Well i told you that I've lived a crazy life so ill fill you guys in a little bit.My parents were hippies and the loved to do drugs mainly pot.I can remember as a boy walking into the house and it always smelled funny,i found out at the age of 6 what that smell was.Yes i smoked my first joint when i was 6 yrs old and it didn't stop there.I started smoking cigarette's when i was just 11 and by the time i was 12 i was going over to a friends house to smoke pot from a water bong that his older brother had and would show us how to use it.Ill let that soak in and write more day by day.