I Never Learn!

Im telling you this so you will understand that im a new man and im transparent now with nothing holding me down.I write all of this so nothing from my past can bind me anymore because ive come to a crossroads in my life where i look right and see a dusty road,I look left and i see a man thats way off and he looks like me holding a sign that says"YOU SUCK",then i look foward and i see a bright light and i can't see whats there,but i get a good fealing about going that way so im going foward.Now lets look at my life up til now,ive lied,cheated,stole,robbed,sold and did drugs,lost one daughter and so far been mean to the other one.Ive done sick things when i was alone,married for the wrong reasons,and never got myself right yet.It catches up with me alot so hold on and let me get to the divorced part.I got hurt on the job with a board that fell 25' and hit me in the head,bout knocked me stupid,but i survived.I was out of work and drawing workmans comp and this is where it gets rough,I was faking the whole thing just to get out of working because i saw dollar signs from getting injured on the job even though it was her own family.I got a lawyer and sewed her uncle for us not having hard hats,but after a year and a half i got nothing and ill tell you what happend in that short time.I started sitting at home everyday taking the 40 mlg oxycottons that the doctors put me on after i kept saying that i had a migrain,but that was a lie just to get pain pills and at this point i had got good at faking alot of stuff for drugs.I would take 3 or 4 and crush them between 2 spoons and take them like BC powders.I sat on the couch for months like that and slobered on myself while my family was suffering.The bills where pilling up and we were getting deliveries of groceries from our landlord who we owed money to,but they were good Christians and didnt care about the money they just cared about us.I took advantage of that of course because remember i worked for the devil and i had to keep him happy.After a while they caught on and we were evicted,so we went to my step dads to live and that was a big mistake because as you know a women wants a man who can take care of them nomatter what and that wasnt me at all.So we would fight all the time and one night she said she had had enough and she was going to her sisters house with our daughter.I knew in my gut that she wasnt going there so when she left i got dressed because it was about 11 at night and i put a buck knife on my side and a flip out in my pocket.Now i didnt know for sure where she was headed,but i was going on a gut feeling.I went out the back door and my step brother came out as i was headed down the driveway and asked"where you going? and i never looked back and said"im going to cut her throwt.I walked over 20 miles to her best friends ba because i went to her sisters house and she wasnt there so i keeped going to her friends house because i felt she might be there.Ill get to the point when i get back.